*MAJOR HEALTH TIP!*
Hopefully, this vital information will save both eyes and lives!

"How To Unclog Stuffed Nostrils"
(particularly, when all over-the-counter medicines have successfully failed you)

Do you ever have head congestion so severe and to the point that your nostrils become stuffed, clogged up, even reddened and flared while causing you to almost, literally, blow your brains out into your favorite Sunday handkerchief?

Well, as this ailment had become overly frustrating for me, and I had almost reached a proverbial breaking point, short of using a shishkabob stick, or worse, a welder's torch, here is how I recently elected to unstuff and unclog my own nostrils...

Note: This may also be a method that you wish to use yourself if you have this similar problem albeit with some added precaution that I was not initially privy to and, unfortunately, learned the hard way...

1. I opened my overhead cabinet and withdrew a coffee filter.

2. I then gathered a can of black pepper and a bottle of chili powder.

3. I sprinkled enough of each vigorously into the filter to ensure proper coverage of its bottom.

4. I then gathered all sides of the filter, closing it to form a bag-like container, followed by a brief exercise of shaking it a number of times in an effort to mix the ingredients sufficiently.

5. I then opened the filter and took several big whiffs.

[-----What I Learned From This Experiment-----]:

The first and, possibly, the most important thing that I learned from this experiment was DON'T DO IT!!!

The second thing that I learned was, if you insist on doing it, be sure to close your eyes very tightly so none of the mixture backfires directly into your eyes during your external breaths into the filter. With my equilibrium currently being slightly off balance, along with my inability to establish a cohesive rhythm, I zigged when I should have zagged, and I flipped when I should have flopped.

Thus, my failure to take the proper precautions and get my rhythm right on all accounts resulted in this five-alarm homemade mixture causing a subsequent hellfire and brimstone sensation in my eyes.

And, while I am now blind (hopefully, temporarily), I must admit that I cannot recall when both of my nostrils have been more clear.

One Final Caution: To be on the best possible safe side of preventative care, before employing this procedure, you may wish to consider placing masking tape (or better yet, goggles) over both eyes, as well as consider contacting ETMC and the local fire department in advance to have them standing by in case an emergency occurs.

Editor's Note: This health tip has been excerpted from Kenny Love's upcoming reference titled, "How NOT To Kill Yourself With Grandma's Death-Dealing Home Remedies 101 - Volume 1." This unique reference is due out next Fall, and should be available everywhere, including retail outlets, hospitals and, particularly, funeral homes.